I always seem to put this blog on the back burner when life gets busy; but as the 4th quarter of 2018 rapidly approaches, this seemed like an appropriate time to re-engage with you, my digital friends.
In the past, I’ve unapologetically used this blog as a digital note pad. Some of you have found my posts genuinely interesting and have screamed with unwavering support from the sidelines; while others have found my posts infuriating yet followed me on my journey anyway (because let’s face it, curiosity always wins). Regardless of which side of the fence you fall on, this post will be a little less preachy and more of a heart-to-heart.
Towards the end of 2017, I made one of the biggest decisions of my life and I went into 2018 reeling from that choice. I distracted myself by ramping up my already overly active social life and I enjoyed every damn second of it. But that doesn’t mean I wasn’t devastatingly broken inside. There you have it, I just said the word 99.99% of millennials are to proud to admit – I was broken.
Fact – you can’t indefinitely distract yourself with trips, parties and hot dates and expect that you’ll heal. I tried… it was exhausting and eventually I made the decision to stop dating. Why, you may ask?
- I didn’t want my ‘brokenness’ to negatively affect someone else
- I have a hard time faking things and I simply couldn’t bear to sit on another date (with another hopeful human) while feigning interest and excitement
Ironically enough, the emptiness and disinterest subsided almost immediately after I pulled the plug on everything that I’d been temporarily distracting myself with.
Recovery is about so much more than just your heart; you cannot have a healthy relationship with yourself or anyone else without having a healthy mind, body and soul. I took care of myself on every single level – started new hobbies; exercised more; tried meditation; went to therapy consistently; got regular VitaminDrips, massages and acupuncture… you name it, I did it.
I also spent a lot of time by myself in order to once again feel like myself – and it worked. But as much as I enjoyed that time with myself, I also knew that solitude couldn’t be the end goal for someone who enjoys companionship and thrives in a partnership as much as I do.
By now you’re probably wondering, how does someone who’s decided not to date navigate the intricacies and complexities of human interactions in order to functionally date?
Functional dating doesn’t exist because there is no universal definition for functional. We transform and evolve with each and every breath we take which makes it impossible to truly understand another human. The only thing that we can know with a degree of certainty is how another person makes us feel in the simplest of moments.
The 2018 millenial dating trend is to woo and impress but not feel or invest. Despite this tragic habit, I really have been on some incredible dates in 2018 (and I will forever appreciate the thought and effort that went into those interactions). However, the most intriguing human I’ve met this year is the human who was comfortable enough to be himself and bare his soul, without embellishing. At the end of the day, extravagant dates mean nothing; that feeling you get means everything.
That feeling will make you –
- sip smoothies on a patio (in 110 degree weather) for three hours
- walk from W 10th to Spring without realizing your heels are making your feet hurt because you’re that captivated by the conversation
- lightheaded and giddy when you wander off in a crowded Nike store and catch him staring at you (instead of the shoes) from afar
It’s impossible to predict the future (and the uncertainty can be terrifying); but that’s part of the charm. I will always be excited about the possibilities that await and I will never be afraid to feel with my whole heart.
Till next time! xo