The absence of an experience has always been my greatest fear and for most of my adult life, I’ve structured my entire belief system and justified my actions based on this fear. I defined my success through rigid, self imposed forms of measurement and felt serious anxiety whenever I felt like I was off track or not accomplishing something significant.
I was hard on myself and equally as hard (if not more so) on some of the people in my life. I had zero patience for anyone who challenged this ideology and felt pity for those who didn’t exude the same passion for life and zest for their own existence. The worst part about it all, was that I was absolutely oblivious to how obnoxious I was; and I was genuinely driving myself insane in the process of trying to attain the unattainable.
Throughout the last few years, there’s been one person who’s constantly encouraged me to, “stop thinking and just be.” And for the first time in my life, I’ve finally been able to think and talk about my future without being concerned or tied to an outcome. The acceptance of this truth has enabled me to find more peace than ever before and since it’s officially been a year since I left Dubai, I figured it was the perfect time to be honest about the insanity of the last 365 days…
In what’s been a whirlwind of a year – I moved home (still feels strange being here without Marley), changed jobs (best career move to date), dealt with some wild medical issues, dealt with death, dealt with life, had my heart broken (walked away from a destructive relationship), fell in lust (more than once), hurt a few hearts (I’m truly so sorry), ticked a few things off my bucket list (pyramids – check; skydiving – check!), spent more time with my family and friends, learnt how to prioritize and be stronger for myself, became better at saying no, became better at saying yes, learnt that celebrating the seemingly imperfect was as important as celebrating the perfect, and last but not least, I fell madly in love with my self and my soul (again).
At the end of the day, we aren’t successful when we accomplish a goal (there will always be more goals waiting for us); we’re successful when we’re honest and unafraid.
Till next time! Xo