Someone once told me that my former partner would never be able to love me the way I deserve to be loved. He told me it was evident in my energy, my behaviour, but most of all in my soul. When he said it I brushed it off, after all, what did he know? He had never met him or seen us interact; he had never witnessed the moments that made my heart feel pure magic; but as I sit here and type this blog post, I’ve come to the realization that he was right.

Relationships are hard enough as it is, without the added obstacle of dealing with someone who isn’t emotionally available. I’ve always made it clear, both with my former partner and with friends, that the three things I value more than anything else are consideration, honesty and respect. I appreciate full disclosure and would much rather know the details (whether I like them or not), than be in a situation where I’m stuck second guessing myself or my partner. Typically, those are a given in any healthy relationship, but unfortunately they were much lower down on my former partner’s list of priorities.

Note-to-self (for the future):

Date the guy who acknowledges that you’ll both make mistakes and shows that he is willing to work with you to avoid repeating those mistakes in the future. Don’t date the guy who expects forgiveness for his shortcomings but is unforgiving in return.

Date the guy who knows when to let go of the past and is excited to show you off to the world. Don’t date the guy who keeps in contact with his exes and chooses to be secretive about your relationship (and definitely don’t date the guy who reconnects with his ex immediately after your break-up).

Date the guy who’s mature enough to want more than the superficial fulfillment of temporary distractions. Don’t date the guy who craves attention from other women (including messaging girls he’s never met and only ever interacted with on social media while he lays in bed beside you).

Date the guy who is excited about the partnership he willingly entered and wants his family to get to know you as much as he wants you to get to know them. Don’t date the guy who makes every effort to limit interactions between you and his family.

Date the guys who recognizes the potential of your partnership and is eager to build towards a common goal. Don’t date the guy who looks at you as a mere bonus and fails to consider you in his future plans.

Date the guy who knows how special you are, is inspired by you, and inspires you in return. Don’t date the guy who won’t step up on his own – sure everyone needs guidance as to what you expect, but you shouldn’t have to constantly teach someone how to love you.

Till next time! Xo